Fall in Love With Yourself

It's one of the privileges of the single person to be stuck with oneself. Doing so will push you through many evolutions, or it should, if you're lucky. I've been reborn a few times over the past ten years. Sometimes I wonder about all the people who got into LTRs in their early twenties and…

Make Your Bed

I once dated a man who said he'd bought a new set of sheets shortly before he met me. He said that he'd hoped that if he made his bed nice, he might find a nice woman in it. Although his penchant for yelling at cab drivers and shaming meat eaters eventually drove us apart,…

Intimacy, or, to Ruffle the Feathers Lovingly

Kevin Kline: To kiss a prostitute, it costs more. Meg Ryan: That makes sense. A kiss is so intimate. You could probably disconnect from everything else, but a kiss... Two people's lips together, their breath, a little bit of their soul. (Stops). All I mean is that a kiss is where the romance is. --French…

Why It’s Okay To Not Be “Fun”

As a writer of naughty stories I am on the very outer ring of the planetary system that is public female sexuality, with women who take their clothes off onstage being in the center, models, singers and actresses closely orbiting them, and those of us who only assist others in imagining sexual activity as the…

What Makes Construction Workers Sexy?

We know why men fantasize about the naughty schoolgirl, dominating nurse or coy French maid. There are stories, lore and cliches associated with these roles that have been discussed for so long that even someone who doesn't spend much time pondering sexuality could easily explain to an alien, "Oh, yeah, a girl in a short…

The Bombshell Manual of Style

I've carried this book around with me for more than ten years, back and forth from the West Coast to the East Coast (and back. . . and back again). I've given it as a gift a few times. It contains a message that, as far as I'm concerned, cannot be repeated often enough to…

Who’s Your Villain?

Most of us grew up with Disney movies involving princesses, wicked witches and singing rodents. And most of us take issue with what passive little ninnies those princesses tended to be. The same goes for action movies wherein the hero proves his manliness by rescuing some chick. Whether the story is for a girl or…

Restoring the Lost Art of Being a Good Lover

Like Wesley in Princess Bride, who spent years building up an immunity to iocaine powder, I've spent the past few years developing the ability to cheerfully and honestly have no-strings-attached sex and still be friends with that person later. I'm not talking about hookup sex or one night stands, which in my experience tends to…

The Inexplicable Things Men Find Attractive

I'm continually surprised by what men find attractive. It's particularly interesting considering how we, as women, tend to focus on trends. As a gender we have a bad habit of assuming that just because some (probably gay) art director thought that gigantic mouths were sexy this year, every man we meet will be looking for that mouth, too.

my two cents, or, lipstick doesn’t care if you wear it.

People go to church, buy self-help books, and inject, inhale and smoke a lot of bizarre substances looking for deeper meanings, more authentic experiences, a hint of spirituality, a touch of magic. I was drinking tequila tonight whilst talking to my mom and brother, found myself waxing philosophical after day one of my post-engagement-recovery, and…